Online enquiry: Mari Jane Law, 24 July 2020
Name: Anon
Email:anonymous5976@nili.ca
Phone:
Message: Dear Mari Jane,
What can I do? I thought my son’s tree house was a safe place to read Love & Pollination as he hasn’t played there for weeks. But today he found the book and he can’t wait for his mum to get home to show her his discovered treasure. How can I admit it was mine? Shall I say a stranger must have come through the woods, camped in the tree house and left it behind?
I would be grateful if you could give a speedy reply. My wife will be home in three hours.
Anon
24 July 2020
Dear Anon,
If you say a stranger could have been camping in the tree house she might suspect you of having an affair – some people consider Love & Pollination to be for women to read rather than men. It might be as much of a red flag as a cylinder of lipstick.
But there is no need to panic. Say you bought the book for her as a present and had decided to dip in to it to check whether it was her kind of thing – while getting some fresh air in the tree house. Then say that you decided to read the whole thing so you could discuss it with her after she’d read it as she often says you don’t pay her enough attention.
If you’ve finished the book, I’d appreciate a review!
All the best,
Mari Jane
24 July 2020
Dear Mari Jane,
Your idea was awful. She went ballistic: How could I have thought that a dog-eared cast-off was a good present for her?
She said she’s sleeping in the spare room tonight. It’s all your fault.
Anon
24 July 2020
Dear Anon,
You could have told me that the condition of the book made it no longer worthy of being given as a present. Look on the bright side, if she does sleep in the spare room, you will have an opportunity to finish Love & Pollination. Then you could compose your review.
Does she, by any chance belong to a book club? I shall wait up for your answer even though I’m normally in bed by now. I understand there’s quite a time difference between Canada and the UK.
Best wishes,
Mari Jane
24 July 2020
Dear Mari Jane,
We’ve just finished our evening meal. She does belong to a book club. How’s that going to help?
Anon
24 July 2020
Dear Anon,
Tell her that you’d tried really hard to keep it a surprise but because she got so upset you’re going to let her know that you were actually planning to buy her, and all her book club friends, a copy of Love & Pollination so that they could discuss it at the next meeting. You’d planned to host a party and hold a competition for the best review they could write. (But they must all post them on Amazon afterwards.) Tell her that you’ve even written some book club questions to help her host the evening (see my web page). I’m sure the party will be a great success.
Goodnight,
Mari Jane
12 September 2020
Dear Mari Jane,
Purchasing that single copy of Love & Pollination has been the most expensive book purchase of my life – food, wine, eight more paperback copies – but also the most rewarding. The book club meeting was a huge hit, your book club questions were great, you got brilliant reviews for the competition we held and it was hard to pick a winner. The other wives were jealous that I joined in when their husbands had sniffed at coming. My wife was over the moon at the success of the event and said she was incredibly proud of me, and they all invited me to be included in future meetings. I don’t think my wife will be using the spare room again.
Oh, and we’re having a baby!
Ivan
12 September 2020
Dear Anon,
Congratulations on becoming a dad again. And I’m so pleased it worked out so well.
You mentioned lots of brilliant reviews. But I can’t see them on Amazon. Could you ask everyone to post them online?… Please?
Mari Jane
Mari Jane Law 